


Tears

by Unformal_Sorrelle



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: AU, Arthur Finds Out, Drama, Episode: S05e05 The Disir, Fix-It, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 07:59:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5084116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unformal_Sorrelle/pseuds/Unformal_Sorrelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after 5x05: The Disir- Arthur notices that Merlin hasn't been his happy, cheerful self for quite a long time. He can't figure out why Merlin would have tears in his eyes when Arthur only asked him a question. Something is wrong with his friend and he wants to figure out what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

As Merlin walked away, carrying a basket of Arthur's laundry ready to be washed, Arthur paused in the hallway with an extremely thoughtful look on his face- A look filled with confusion and pensiveness. It was enough to cause Gwaine to notice.

"What's wrong Arthur?" Gwaine asked him, not failing to see that the king's eyes remained steady on Merlin's disappearing shape, even remaining in his general direction after Merlin turned a corner.

"Nothing," Arthur lied. Gwaine waited for Arthur to look at him. "Fine, it's just... Have you noticed anything about Merlin recently?"

"No, why?"

"I know it has to be nothing but I think there's something wrong with him." Arthur said, "Haven't you noticed his odd behavior?"

"Well he won't go to the tavern with me." Gwaine tried to crack a joke but it fell flat. In truth, he hadn't seen much of Merlin lately. They both had busy schedules, with Merlin following after Arthur all the time and himself protecting the realm. However, now that he thought about it, even when they both had some free time they hadn't spent it together. Gwaine realized he hadn't had a good conversation with his friend in months. Maybe something was wrong with Merlin.

"He is obviously upset about something." Arthur mused, more to himself than to Gwaine, "But..."

"What?"

"It never takes him this long to snap back." Arthur admitted, "And I've never seen him like this before. He doesn't smile, joke, complain, offer up strangely wise suggestions..." Arthur trailed off again before continuing, "Get caught in awkward situations, offer up horrible excuses, tell me who is trying to kill me that week, spend days in the tavern or anything. It's driving me mad! It's just not like the Merlin I know. Are you sure you don't know anything, I know you two are close."

Gwaine felt slightly guilty but he shook his head, "I hadn't even noticed. I will try to find out though, if something is bugging Merlin then we need to help him."

"Thank you, Sir Gwaine." Arthur thanked him. Arthur was officially worried. What was Merlin into? Why did his friend seem to be distancing himself from people? Arthur had noticed Merlin withdrawing into himself, growing solemn. It scared him. When Arthur had first met his manservant he had been cheerful, brave, he had lacked all sense of self-preservation and stood up for what he believed it. That boy had wanted to save everyone and everything, he was clumsy and he not seemed too concerned with class. It scared Arthur, how much that young boy had changed.

However, the worst thing was something that Arthur didn't even want to put into words. But he knew it was true, he had seen it before in a person that Arthur word have never thought Merlin would show any similarities with. Merlin was growing paranoid. Paranoid. Paranoid, like his father. Whenever Arthur wanted to go on a quest, whenever he wanted to do something he knew was right- something that Merlin would have advocated him to do a few years ago- if it was at anyways dangerous, Merlin advised against it. Because it was dangerous. That didn't sound like the Merlin he knew, the one who was brave and didn't mind dying for him. He remembered Merlin freaking out when he hadn't killed Mordred, uttering the most un-Merlinlike sentence he had ever heard himself say. Merlin still acted strange around Mordred. And then Merlin's complete and utter denouncement of magic from the other day, with tears in his eyes.

Tears. Arthur had asked his friend for advice and Merlin had gotten tears in his eyes. Those tears were what had finally tipped Arthur off that Merlin's weird behavior was actually serious, those tears had finally gotten him to recognize there was a problem and think back. Merlin had always been a little skittish about answering questions about magic. Arthur had never known why. He knew that it was a difficult subject, magic was a crime that would get you killed after all, but Merlin had given clear opinions on other complicated subjects before and had denounced many things to be wrong. But magic? He never wanted to answer. He'd always say that he was just a servant or something equally self-depreciating. Normally, Merlin had only justified that this was one of the few area's that Uther had been right about. However, the times were rare but they existed all the same, Merlin would also not say he supported magic but he'd let Arthur try to heal his father with it or something like that. Whenever Arthur said that he was thinking that magic wasn't Evil, Merlin would get the oddest bright look in his eyes. Whenever Arthur condemned it, Merlin's eyes seemed to grow dark and flat. But tears?

Why had Merlin gotten tears in his eyes? Arthur didn't understand! Merlin had tried to deflect the question, then answer it ambiguously before Merlin had stolen one of Arthur's father's lines that proclaimed no uncertain position against magic. But with tears in his eyes. It was if Merlin had been at war with himself, as if he really didn't want to say what he did. But why? Arthur wouldn't have condemned him if Merlin had taken the other side, in fact Arthur would have thought it to be completely in character for Merlin to say that maybe magic wasn't completely evil, it can't have corrupted everyone who used it, that it had healing purposes. He had thought Merlin would want to save a loyal knight. That's what Arthur has wanted to do. Instead Merlin had gotten tears in his eyes.

Arthur left Gwaine, determined to talk to Guinevere. She was Merlin's friend as well, openly admitting it rather than hiding it behind a transparent façade. He found her outside, on top of one of the castle walls, looking at their kingdom.

"Arthur!" She greeted, smiling beautifully. Then she noticed his mood. "What is the matter Arthur."

"It's Merlin." Arthur said,

"What about Merlin?" Guinevere looked confused and slight worried,

"I think something is wrong with him."

"Arthur," Guinevere looked slightly chastising, "He-"

"No," Arthur interrupted, feeling slight guilty, but justified as he had to correct his wonderful wife before she got the wrong idea, "He has been acting differently lately. I'm worried about him Guinevere."

Her eyes widened in surprise and then her face became grim, realizing that Arthur was serious. She knew that for Arthur to actually admit he felt anything for Merlin at all it had to be something big.

"What happened?"

"When we went back to the Disir, I asked him for his advice. I had to make a choice between upholding my father's ideals and Mordred's life. The Disir said that they would only save Mordred if I embraced magic."

"Arthur?" Guinevere was now extremely confused, "But Mordred is alive."

"I know." Arthur sighed, "And I'm thankful for that. But that wasn't helped by any choice of mine. I choose the betterment of the kingdom."

"So how is this connected to Merlin?"

"I asked him what to do. He tried to evade it, I could tell that he didn't want to answer but I needed his consul. He eventually told me that magic had no place in Camelot, but there were tears in his eyes."

"Tears?" She too, looked shocked. "But, why?"

"I don't know." Arthur admitted, "But then I got to thinking and I noticed how strange Merlin has been recently. He's been so serious, so grave. It's like he can't be happy anymore."

"You'll have to go talk to him then," Guinevere told him, "Find out what's going on with him."

"You don't know?" Arthur slumped, sadness and worry becoming apparent on his face.

"I haven't gotten to talk to him recently," Guinevere confessed,

"But why would he get tears in his eyes?" Arthur asked himself, more than her.

"Maybe he didn't like dooming Mordred, he is such a sweet boy." Guinevere suggested,

"No." Arthur knew that much. "It wasn't that."

"But the only other suggestion is that Merlin was lying." His wife brought up,

That stuck him like a blow across the face. He hadn't even considered that.

"Lying." He said quietly,

"I'm sure he wasn't," Guinevere tried to backtrack, "Why would Merlin ever lie to you?"

"I don't know Guinevere! I don't know." Arthur's mind started to go crazy on him,

"He wouldn't without a good reason." She tried to assure him,

"Merlin doesn't trust me."

"He does, Arthur. You know he does."

"No, he doesn't." Arthur went on, "He doesn't trust me that he doesn't think magic is evil. Why not? I've made it clear to him that I'm not even sure it's evil half of the time!"

"Maybe he doesn't want to think it's evil. Do you remember when we first went to Ealdor, do remember his friend Will? He was a sorcerer. We all know that Gauis used to practice. Maybe he's conflicted about it, with all the evil he's seen it do. Maybe he finds it hard to admit that those two could have turned out like Morgana."

Arthur had not thought about Will in years. That had been in the first few months that he had known Merlin, when Merlin was so much cheekier and happier. It had been the first time Merlin had ever lost someone important to him.

It was funny how a sorcerer had saved his life. He remembered that he was grateful, yet at the same time deeply ashamed at himself, that Will had been the sorcerer instead of Merlin and that Will had died so Arthur wouldn't have to deal with him. Did Merlin ever think of his childhood friend? Was that why his feelings about magic were always so strange.

"I don't know, Guinevere," Arthur finally said, "It just seemed more personal. Like saying those words were ripping him apart inside. It was like he was fighting with himself."

"Merlin does care a lot about his friends." Guinevere shrugged, not having any other ideas.

"But-" Arthur suddenly had the most insane thought he had ever come up with. "No. No, no, no. That's impossible."

"Arthur, what is it?" her voice took on a worried tone.

"Merlin doesn't have magic." Arthur stated, his voice wobbling and his eyes focused on Guinevere, desperate for reassurance.

"Merlin can't have magic!" She looked so shocked, but also very sure of himself, "He would never betray you Arthur, you know that."

"It would explain why he's been so different lately." Arthur's traitorous tongue blathered, "It could be corrupting him and maybe he can't stop and-"

"Merlin would never betray you." Guinevere said clearly, her  
whole heart backing up her words. "He is loyal to a fault to you. He would die for you Arthur and I think he would die for me as well. But he would do anything for you."

"But what's happening to him? Why has he always been so cautious about magic?"

"You will have to ask him." She told him,

"He won't answer." Arthur grumbled, "He'll just evade it or switch topics."

Gwen hesitated as she looked at her husband. She knew Arthur was right. She knew what she should say, that when Merlin was ready for him to know then he would tell him. But because she was also Merlin's friend, she knew that wasn't true. Merlin would never tell them if something was truly wrong with him. He kept things to himself. She sometimes thought it was because Merlin was trying to save his friends some pain but in recent years she had worried it went a little deeper than that. Did he think no one would care if they found out? Did he think no one would believe him? Or had it just become habit?

Gwen thought quickly, weighing her options. She had noticed that Merlin had been looking more serious lately but Gwen hadn't paid much attention. If Arthur was noticing something... And worried enough to go to her for help then... Something was wrong. Merlin needed help, even though he's never ask.

She made her decision. She was Merlin's friend to and she wasn't going to have him suffer alone. She wasn't going to watch her husband fall to pieces if Merlin got into something he couldn't get out of. This was the time for action.

"Then we find out." Gwen announced, watching Arthur's face carefully, "Maybe Gaius or one of the knights will know something. We search for answers and then we'll help Merlin, you'll see."

She saw her husband start to smile. He wasn't the best with emotions, especially with Merlin but he could take action. Arthur felt comfortable with a goal. It may not have been the most mature way to deal with the situation, spying wasn't exactly the most moral way, but it would have to do. Merlin would never tell them anything and Arthur could never hold a conversation like that without making it worse.

"So we're going to help Merlin."

"We are going to help Merlin."


	2. Part Two

As much as Arthur wanted to start interrogating everyone who had even seen Merlin recently, he had a turnip competition to judge so his part in the plans would have to be postponed. Instead Gwen told him that she would ask Gaius while he was occupied so Arthur wouldn't spend the whole competition worrying. They both knew he would worry regardless but this way he wouldn't show it on his face as much.

Gwen strolled down to the physicians chambers lightly, knowing that she would get far more out of Gaius if she didn't spook he. The old man was apt to clam up at the mention of his ward. She reached the door and knocked lightly.

"Gaius?" She called, opening the door.

"What can I do for you, my lady?" Gaius asked her. He was doing something at his table, making some sort of medicine. Gwen recognized some of the ingredients and deduced it to be a sleeping draught of some kind.

"Oh, nothing much," Gwen said, trying to make it seem like something small and harmless, "I've just noticed that Merlin has been looking a little down lately. I just want to see if there is anything I can do to cheer him up."

"Oh," Gaius said, somewhat cautiously but luckily for Gwen it looked like Gaius wasn't worried about her questioning yet. He knew that she had always been a good friend to Merlin. "Why do you need me?"

So he's not denying Merlin's recent mood, Gwen noted. That was good news. He must know something about it.

"I can't quite think of what to do." She answered. Now was the moment of truth, whether she'd get an answer of not. "I don't even know why he's been so upset recently. Do you have any idea?"

Gaius was clearly hesitating before he responded, "He's growing up."

That was the strangest answer she'd ever gotten. Growing up? What? She knew Merlin was a few years younger than her and Arthur but still, it wasn't like he was a teenager anymore. As far as she knew, there hadn't been anything beyond the normal as far as tough situations. What in the world did Gaius mean? She asked as much.

Gaius looked sad, so very, very sad, "He's lost hope in a dream. "

No matter what Gwen asked next she still couldn't get Gaius to say anything else. He wouldn't specify or give any hints. With an air of defeat she left the physician's chambers, once again curbing her desire to say something about his hair. At least she got some sort of an answer. The more clues that she and Arthur gathered would eventually form a clearer picture.

She now knew that Merlin had lost faith in one of his dreams. She knew it could have something to do with magic. She refused to add in all of his other irregularities over the years such as how the lamia didn't affect him or how he was still alive after pretty much a decade of following Arthur around. They could paint a picture that Gwen did not want hanging in her mental gallery, and certainly not Arthur's.

Merlin was not a sorcerer. There had to be some other explanation.

She supported it with other facts. Merlin had told Arthur that magic was evil several times. She mentally removed the tears that occurred at the last instance from the equation. Merlin was also extremely loyal to Arthur and to Camelot. He was brave, selfless and horrible at lying. He wasn't evil.

Unbidden, the memory of Morgana came flying into her mind. How she had first grown so scared, obviously sad before her first disappearance. And how when she returned, she had distanced herself from her old friends. How Gwen had found out about Morgana's magic only for the woman to take over Camelot and become the kingdom's worst enemy.

Merlin was not like Morgana. He wasn't!

There had to be some other explanation.

...

Gwaine was extremely underwhelmed about how much he had found out about Merlin from the rest of the knights. He had known that only him and Lancelot had been truly close to Merlin but he had still been under the impression that the rest of the round table looked after the younger lanky, raven haired man. That preconception was proved false.

Leon's detachment was understandable. He was always Arthur's man and always would be. He may have been fond of Merlin but he would let him hang on the sidelines.

Elyan could be slightly excused as well. He had never done much with Merlin. He was one of those people that was usually distant, a bit of a loner who found it hard to latch on to people. Elyan didn't even talk to his own sister every week. If he was with anyone, it was the other knights who he had grown comfortable around.

Percival was puzzling. He had always hung around Gwaine, Lancelot before he had died the first time- the people who actually cared about Merlin. But Percival seemed to be in the same situation Gwaine was in, they had both gotten to fixated on their knight life.

Mordred freaked him out to be honest. He had quickly joined the other table knights and sometimes he seemed alright. Gwaine could pull a few pranks on him and he would seem human. Other times, he wore a blank expression on his face, making it impossible to tell what he was thinking or even human. Mordred reminded him of a cat, mysterious and dangerous.

And yet Mordred seemed to have the best grasp of Merlin's recent shadow. It wasn't a good grasp, there was still confusion in his eyes, but Mordred also knew more than the bit he was telling.

"Em- Merlin is scared of something. I'm not precisely sure what but I have an idea."

"Merlin? Scared? Ha!" Elyan had laughed, "Very likely!"

"Sooner or later you are going to realize that Merlin doesn't scare easily," Percival lightly punched the young man in the arm.

"Even when we're trying to kill him!" Leon chuckled. Gwaine did not.

"What?" Mordred had a look on his face that suggested confusion but also led Gwaine to believe he had a particular thought on his mind that he didn't think was true or something of the sort. The young man was thinking something specific.

"Around three years ago, before Arthur married the Queen, she, Merlin and us knights found ourselves with a lamia. All of us except Merlin and Gwen fell under her power. Lamia was exactly fond of Merlin and so we weren't very nice to him."

"Worst few days of my life." Gwaine muttered,

The other knights were able to joke a little over it but Gwaine didn't see how. Someone had taken control of him and had turned him against his friends. Merlin had assured him later that he had been completely forgiven but... It still didn't seem like a laughing matter.

Once again, he wondered why Merlin hadn't fallen under the creatures spell. Was he too good for her magic? Had it been because Lamia hadn't liked him? Or did Lamia hate him because she couldn't control him? He had tossed these questions around but even three years later, no answers had come flying down from the heavens.

Well, he might as well tell Arthur about his lack of findings. It wasn't like he was going to find out anymore here.

...

When Arthur had walked home from the competition, he fully intended to go straight to Guinevere and deliberate over her findings. He certainly didn't mean to eavesdrop. However, in his defense, he wasn't even trying to be sneaky. If Gaius and Merlin hadn't heard his boots clomp then they completely deserved to have their conversation listened to.

"I wish you would cheer up, my boy." Gaius said, "Do you know that even the Queen is worried about you?"

"I'm sorry," Merlin's voice carried through the hall sullenly, "It's just... I made a mistake and now all of Camelot has to pay for it."

"You did what you thought was right. What else can one do?"

"They could actually be right."

To say this confused Arthur would be an understatement. Huh? How did his idiot manservant think he'd doomed Camelot?

"I think you did the best you could do."

"When Arthur actually finds out," Merlin hesitated, such sorrow and anger present in his voice, "He really is going to hate me. He's going to think I'm a liar, and a coward, and a hypocrite."

"Stop thinking like that," Gaius chastised, "All you're doing is causing trouble before it's due."

"You're right. Arthur will never find out I'm a warlock and magic will never be free. I'll just have to hide for the rest of my life." Merlin's voice hit some sort of raw emotional note.

"What?!" Arthur whispered, unable to contain it. The other two still didn't notice anyways.

What had he just gotten himself in to? What had he just heard? Merlin was a warlock?! What the heck was that? And magic being free? That was quite an odd way to put it if you weren't magical yourself.

Suddenly, Arthur wished he'd never tried to investigate his manservant. He knew that whatever it was, he wasn't going to like it.

He was so preoccupied in his thoughts that he missed some of the conversation. It was hard but eventually he tuned back in. He was reminded of watching Morgana take their father's crown.

"That doesn't mean anything." Gaius said,

"I saw it, Gaius! That druid showed me he's going to kill Arthur. I have to stop him."

"The boy hasn't even done anything remotely questionable."

"I hate destiny, I really do! How come, whenever I get visions of the future it's always horrible- and my fault. I keep making mistakes, again and again. This last one is going to-"

"It's not your fault Merlin."

"But it is!" Merlin told him, following it with bitterly said words, "You'd think that the most powerful magic user to ever live would actually do thing right."

What. The. Heck.

Did Merlin just admit that he was not only a sorcerer, but the most powerful one ever?

Arthur was faced with a choice. He knew that if he heard anymore he was probably going to lose it. He could either confront Merlin now or bring his findings to Guinevere.

Any confrontation when he was in this mood would end in bloodshed.

His wife would not be pleased with him about that.

To Guinevere he would go.

...

Gwen had been pleasantly surprised that Gwaine was helping and had already questioned the knights. He had warned that he didn't have anything useful but she told him that anything would help.

Then her husband burst into the room, obviously in a state.

"Arthur?" She tried to get his attention, extremely worried about the look in his eye.

"Tell me," he choked out, "Tell me what you found."

Gwaine went first, saying that none of the knights knew anything but Mordred guessed that Merlin was scared of something. Gwaine said he was sure it wasn't that but- Then it was her turn.

Gwen told him about the loss of a dream and other things, choosing her words carefully as to not to suggest magic.

"My turn," Arthur declared after she had finished, "My manservant is a warlock, the most powerful sorcerer to ever live. He wasn't planning on telling me anytime soon. He saw a vision of my death and thinks he caused it."

"What?" Gwen gasped,

"I must be drunk," Gwaine said as a preamble, "How do you know all this?"

"I heard it out of his own mouth." Arthur admitted, then he turned to Gwen, "Now what am I going to do about it?"

...

Merlin came in with supper as usual. He had brought enough for both royals and was surprised when one wasn't there.

"Where's Gwen?" He asked,

Arthur kept his gaze down, "She'll be coming later. For now, I would like you to join me."

"Are you being serious?" Merlin sounded extremely skeptical,

"Yes. Sit." Arthur ordered and with great trepidation, his manservant followed his order,

"Arthur? What's wrong?" Merlin asked, sounding very concerned. Well he should be.

"I've decided to do something but I need you to do something for me first." Arthur said, "I need you to argue why magic should be brought back to Camelot with the full support of the law."

"Arthur, what is this?" Merlin's voice sounded strangled,

"Just do it. I need you to tell me why magic should be free."

Merlin's lips wobbled and his eyes watered up, "But-"

"Tell me why I should free magic."

Arthur almost felt bad as he watched his friend struggle with the question. Was this cruel?

"Well," Merlin eventually choked out, "You would have people that could protect you against evil sorcerers."

"Not if they are all evil."

"There must be some good ones out there, people with magic who would be grateful for your mercy."

"Who would actually choose to study magic when it's been illegal for so long? What kind of person would choose to break the law? Why, if not for power?"

"What if... magic wasn't a choice? What if they were born with it?" This particular sentence made a tear plop down on Merlin's cheek.

"Born with it?" Arthur forced his face to stay neutral and closed his dropping jaw,

"I suppose you could argue that they were born to be monsters or-"

"Don't make my arguments, make your own!" Arthur snapped, struck by a terrifying thought about his friend. He didn't think himself a monster, did he?

"I-I-I-" Merlin stuttered. He looked so distressed that Arthur had to take pity on him,

"You could always mention how you're a warlock."

Ok, it wasn't very good pity.

"Da-bu-wha-nnnah," Merlin's face became a picture of shock. Shock and _fear_. And he still had tears in his eyes.

Why did Arthur decide to do this again?

"A warlock who was apparently never planning on telling me!" Arthur burst out but it was hard to hold on to his anger against a face like Merlin's. Why did his friend have to look so darn pathetic and broken? Merlin was the one who had kept secrets! Why did Arthur feel guilty?

Arthur, Guinevere and Gwaine had discussed Merlin's magicness and had decided that he wasn't evil. He shouldn't have kept the secret for so long, definitely, that was ridiculous. But Merlin did have the good defense of the death penalty on his side.

Arthur still was mad as a hornet at him, not to mention that he felt more than a little betrayed, but he wasn't going to kill him. Maybe throw him in the dungeons but- No. He couldn't. That wouldn't help anyone. It definitely wouldn't complete the goal that he had started with.

"Ar-Arthur I can explain! I'm so sorry! But I-I am not a traitor and I'm sorry and-"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Arthur wished that Merlin would stop looking like his life was over. It just was no fun when your friend looked seconds away from fainting.

Merlin launched into a babbled explanation with about twenty reasons why he didn't tell the king. To Arthur they all boiled down to one, Merlin hadn't thought that he could take it. That would have made Arthur challenge anyone else to a duel but one look at his friend's face cured him of that notion. Why should Merlin have trusted him? Arthur hadn't done anything to earn it, not with him parroting his father's magic policy every once and a while. Although, the irony was, the only reason that Arthur had denounced magic as evil was Merlin's fault in recent years. Merlin really was too self-sacrificing and was very bad at getting what he wanted.

"Fine." Arthur said evenly, "So why did you tell me not to bring back magic if it obviously was killing you inside?"


	3. Part Three

Arthur saw Merlin freeze yet again. The servant/warlock was searching for words. Arthur gritted his teeth. That wasn't any good at all. Merlin's hesitation meant that he didn't think Arthur would like the truth. Whether Merlin would come up with a positive spin or a blatant lie was anyone's guess at this point.

Arthur really didn't want another lie.

The king glared at his manservant, blue eyes narrowing into a dark dare. Merlin jumped slightly. Good, Arthur thought at the back of his mind, no lie then.

"It's hard to explain." Merlin was clearly stalling.

"Try me."

Merlin fidgeted in a way that Arthur's long-ago tutors would have disciplined him severely.

"You have an... enemy that would have profited. I couldn't let that happen."

"Who? Morgana?" Arthur could feel his face scrunch up in it's customary confused expression. Too bad, his grimace had been actually getting answers. Very vague answers, but Merlin wasn't telling a lie.

"No." Merlin looked down, "He is prophesized to kill you. I thought that if you didn't free magic then you would be safe."

Arthur didn't understand it but maybe he could ask Gwen later if Merlin didn't start answering properly.

"Then who is this enemy?"

Merlin was hesitating again. Why was he so reluctant to tell Arthur this identity. Then Arthur thought about it and almost gasped. He forced a smile and tried to pass it off as a joke.

"It's not like you're destined to kill me or anything, are you, Merlin?" The king gave a weak chuckle as his eyes couldn't betray the 'oh please no!' emotion going through him.

Merlin's response was immediate.

"NO!" He said and Arthur was grateful, reassured by the sheer instantaneity of the answer. This was something he was actually sure of. "I would never harm you, Arthur. I swear it. My destiny is to protect you and I would gladly give my life for you."

Arthur tried to hide his uncomfortableness from his friend. As happy as he was to have such a loyal ser- frien- warlo- Merlin, he was still used to thinking of him as practically defenseless and someone to be protected. Although Arthur wouldn't usually admit it, he would die for Merlin. He had always know it was reciprocal but it had always worried him. He knew that he could never trust Merlin to save himself. In fact, he was worried that if he ever died, Merlin wouldn't get past it.

However, Arthur put those thoughts away and moved on to solving the mystery of the tears.

"Just tell me his name. Do I know him?" Arthur asked,

"Yes..." Merlin agreed reluctantly, looking like he'd rather be anywhere but here.

Arthur braced himself for a betrayal, because that it what it would have to be. He looked at Merlin.

"Mordred." Merlin cringed, watching the king for his reaction.

"Oh." Arthur felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. That made sense on why Merlin didn't try to free magic at that particular time...

"Arthur?" Merlin was trying to get his attention and he was sounding very worried.

Arthur himself was trying to wrap his head around the young man being destined to kill him. If so, he was going about it entirely the wrong way. You shouldn't jump in front of weapons or save the target from evil sister witches. Mordred was the newest knight though, so his betrayal was more expected then, say, Leon's. If Leon was destined to kill him then that would be practically impossible. That would be like Gwen turning evil or Gaius beating him in a sword fight. Leon would be like Uther deciding that magic was happy rainbows and riding a unicorn. So in that respect he was glad it was Mordred. So it couldn't be Leon. Gwaine was saved to. Arthur would die of embarrassment if it had been Gwaine. Elyan was his brother-in-law so that would have been very awkward if destiny had decided it was him. Percival was too quiet and Lancelot was too dead. So really, it was better this way. Really. Wasn't it?

"Arthur!" Merlin was talking again. Maybe he should answer him? He sounded kind of worried.

"I'm fine." The king managed.

...

Arthur still didn't know what to do with Mordred. Even after Merlin had told him that he'd seen no evidence that Mordred was even evil yet. He didn't want to do nothing but he didn't believe in punishing the kid for his destiny. Merlin wasn't even sure what to do.

It was so severe that even Gwaine and Guinevere, the first who had been eavesdropping and the second who had been trying to 'stop' him but hadn't succeeded so she may have heard a few things 'accidentally', came in for a council of the dinner table. They didn't take the identity of the, possibly future, traitor well. Gwaine was silent and grave while Guinevere looked like she would cry, even if Arthur knew she wouldn't.

What could you do with a boy that was destined to kill you? It wasn't as if Mordred could be held at fault for his destiny. No man could choose it.

"Does Mordred know?" Guinevere asked,

"I don't know." Merlin admitted,

"Then I have a plan." She said, "Arthur, Merlin," the queen hesitated, "Arthur you should make magic legal."

"How would that deal with Mordred?" Arthur asked his wife,

"Merlin, you said that he and Morgana were destined in having an alliance in evil, right? Morgana gets most of her followers by exploiting their desire to practice magic freely or through intimidation. If we free magic then her followers won't have any reason to truly hate Camelot. Also, then Merlin can reveal his identity as Emrys and other followers would think twice before attacking us. We continue to treat Mordred well and he won't have any reason to join Morgana, short of some enchantment."

Arthur watched Merlin's reaction. He thought about Guinevere's proposal and agreed. It wouldn't to any harm and he had known for a long time that his wife was more intelligent than him. If he, and she, didn't see any flaws then it was a good idea. Plus, after seriously thinking of removing the ban earlier, he had come to the conclusion that it wouldn't be that bad. His main concern had been the corrupting force of magic, something that Merlin clearly demonstrated was false.

"Yes, I'll issue the proclamation in the morning." The king declared, still watching Merlin.

Merlin's eyes looked glassy, as if they were about ready to tear up. But they were happy this time. You could just feel the joy radiating off of him, even as his expression switched to cautious, unbelieving, sober frown. Arthur now knew that his friend would like nothing more than to stop hiding and lying but Merlin still considered Arthur's safety over him dreams. Too bad. Arthur decided that no matter how weird it was that Merlin had magic, despite any lingering anger or feeling of betrayal, Arthur was willing to potentially go through danger to make his friend free. It was what Merlin deserved.

Even though as soon as this whole mess was over, Arthur was going to grill him over everything Merlin knew that he didn't. Also, he'd probably yell at the idiot for trying to kill someone with the death of his own dream. There were much easier ways to commit murder after all. Even if he knew that Merlin didn't like to outright kill people, there were still options. Like determining if Mordred was even evil first... But that was for a later date.

"Are you sure it will work?" Merlin questioned hesitantly,

"No," Arthur answered truthfully, "But I don't see what harm it would do."

"In fact we may actually get attacked less if we didn't keep angering the sorcerers." Guinevere suggested,

"But what if-" Merlin started but Arthur interrupted him,

"Then we deal with it then. Magic is going to be legal tomorrow."

Merlin looked at him. It took a while for the man to say anything. Then the warlock smiled, a tear of happiness escaping each eye.

"Thank you." He didn't have to explain what for.

Then Gwaine had to ruin the moment by asking Merlin if he could conjure ale. Everyone started laughing, unable to help themselves. Merlin had magic, Mordred was destined to kill Arthur and they were legalizing magic. It was so crazy. But it was real and they would deal with it.

The tears dropped.


End file.
